Building Strong Bonds: Therapy for Growing Families 

Before The Bump

Contemplation 

Am I ready for a child of my own? Do I want to be a parent? Am I emotionally prepared? How about financially? Do I have enough support? How will it affect my career? Starting a family is a major life decision. Individuals who come to therapy during this stage will grapple with various issues, such as timeline, physical and mental health, finances, and support systems. Therapy will become a safe and grounding space for individuals to contemplate the fantasy versus reality of parenthood, thoughts and feelings surrounding their identity as parents, the concept and meaning of responsibility, and the major transitions that will have a profound impact on their lives.

Planning 

I’ve decided - I want to have a child! Now what? There are diverse ways of becoming a parent. Individuals may try for a natural pregnancy with their partners, or consider different methods, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), or surrogacy. Others may embark on this journey alone. Some individuals may become parents through adoption, fostering, or step-parenting. Regardless of the method, planning to become a parent may be exciting yet overwhelming. Individuals who seek therapy during this stage will discuss not only their aspirations and excitement, but also process possible feelings of anxiety and disappointment with regards to the hardships that may accompany the process of becoming a parent. 

Infertility (Medical Conditions, IUI, IVF, Surrogacy)

Challenges to fertility can be surprising, confusing, yet silent. It can be difficult for individuals to openly discuss their struggles to conceive a child, especially amidst the pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and baby bump photos that are celebrated amongst many. Individuals may wonder what might be wrong with them or their partners and they may also feel guilt and shame for their envy of others who are pregnant. For those who decide to embark on fertility methods such as IUI, IVF, or surrogacy, complicated feelings may arise as these practices may diverge from their original plans. Therapy can help create a space to acknowledge and process these complex emotions and allow for room to consider other possibilities. Individuals can utilize the therapeutic space to understand how to strengthen the bond with their partners through this physically and emotionally exhausting time, and also learn how to find support systems that extend beyond family and friends, such as support groups. 

During The Bump

Pregnancy 

Those two faint pink lines on a pregnancy test accompany so many different feelings. The happiness and excitement can also come with a rush of anxiety - the thoughts, imaginations, and fantasies about having and wanting a child have now become a reality. Individuals during this stage are invited to a safe and stable therapy milieu to process the major changes to their bodies such as morning sickness, hormonal imbalance, and ever changing body shape. They will also utilize this space to better understand and foster their imagination and curiosities toward their growing child, as well as wonder about how to integrate their new identities as parents to their current sense of self. Individuals may contemplate their plans for childbirth, yet also become aware of the potential disappointment or frustration with a childbirth experience that may not go as originally planned. Finally, therapy can become a quiet, still place for individuals to take a moment, breathe, and process what may be one of the most wild, wonderful, exhausting, and exhilarating experiences of their lives.

Pregnancy Loss 

No matter how far along a person is, losing a pregnancy is an emotionally overwhelming experience.  It involves grieving a future that will no longer look as imagined. Pregnancy loss is rarely discussed even though it is quite common, affecting 1 out of 4 women.  The lack of openness around the subject can induce a layer of shame on top of an already difficult time. Often the pregnant individual wonders..what did I wrong, is it okay to grieve, who should I tell? If you find yourself wondering about these feelings or navigating complicated grief, therapy can help provide a space where you can process your grief, unpack feelings of shame, amend your parenthood journey, and reflect on ways the loss has impacted your present and future family plans. You can read more about pregnancy loss here.

After The Bump

Postpartum 

The first twelve months of parenting can truly feel like a whirlwind. The lack of sleep, responsibility of caring for a newborn, and immense identity shift can lead to feelings of anxiety or depression.  Additionally, having a child can ignite all sorts of feelings about one’s own childhood, which may have never been fully processed or reflected on. Individuals coming to therapy during this stage will have the opportunity to process their new reality and work through feelings of anxiety and depression.  Postpartum individuals may struggle with the baby blues, feeding difficulties, childcare struggles, intimacy issues, and communication issues with their partners. A therapist will provide a safe space to reflect on the changes as well as provide skills to navigate more acute postpartum mood changes. You can read more about postpartum depression here and here.

First 5 years 

Toddlers are exciting, challenging, stubborn, and silly little people.  They have an uncanny way of pushing buttons and finding some of your biggest triggers. As they start to navigate the world, a whole new area of challenges can be unlocked. Some of the difficulties unique to toddlerhood are tantrums, separation anxiety, work/life balance difficulties, childcare stressors, concerns around discipline, and feelings of inadequacy in the parenting role. Many parents who come to therapy at this time are looking for ways to better understand how their own childhood may be playing a role in how they react to their toddler. Additionally, therapy during this time can help you with the following: identify unrealistic expectations for yourself or your child and how that is impacting your mental health, develop coping skills to deal with difficult moments, gain a greater sense of your strengths as a parent, and be more present with your children. Read about gentle parenting here.

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