Be Your Own Couples Therapist: The 5 Relationship Books That Almost Count as Therapy

Explore 5 expert-recommended relationship books that can help improve communication, intimacy, and emotional connection—like couples therapy, but DIY.

So, your relationship could use... a little tune-up. Maybe you’ve been arguing about the same handful of things for five years. Maybe one of you thinks “quality time” means doom scrolling on two separate couches. Maybe you just want to feel like you're on the same team again, not opposing legal counsel.

If you're looking for ways to reconnect, improve communication, or just stop fighting about the dishes, the next step doesn’t have to be couples therapy. Enter: the DIY route. Grab a highlighter and dive into some couples literature that might save your relationship—or at least give you some new material for your next argument conversation.

Nothing says romantic glow-up like a relationship book at the beach or in the park. It’s your couples therapist-approved summer reading list, just like therapy, but with more SPF and fewer tears. Here are our favorite reads that might be just what your relationship needs: 

Us by Terry Real
Tagline: “You’re not crazy, you’re just doing what your parents did.”

A go-to for couples looking to break toxic cycles and learn how to truly connect. Terry Real unpacks why we fight the way we do—and how to stop. If you're looking for a relationship therapist in NYC, this is the book many of us recommend before or alongside sessions.

Come Together by Emily Nagoski
Tagline: “Because good sex is more than scheduling it on Google Calendar.”

Written for couples whose intimacy has taken a back seat to life. This book blends science, humor, and real-life stories to help you reconnect sexually and emotionally—whether you're navigating mismatched desires or just feeling stuck.

Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Tagline: “Because even non-monogamous love deserves a securely attached nervous system.”

This one’s for folks exploring or already in non-monogamous relationships who want to feel more grounded, connected, and emotionally safe. Fern blends attachment theory with real-life poly dynamics and includes beautifully concrete exercises couples (or throuples, polycules, or solo poly folks) can actually do to build secure bonds whether you're dating one person or many.

All About Love by bell hooks
Tagline: “Because sometimes love isn’t a skill—it’s a reckoning.”

Less a step-by-step guide and more a soulful excavation of what love means, how we unlearn it, and why we need to return to it. This is the book for when you're craving something deeper than communication tips. hooks invites us to think critically (and tenderly) about how love is shaped by power, justice, childhood, and care. Not your typical self-help, but exactly the kind of wisdom that shifts something inside you.

High Conflict Couples by Alan Fruzzetti
Tagline: “When walking on eggshells is the cardio of your relationship.”

This one’s for couples who argue often and loudly. Fruzzetti, a DBT expert, gives practical strategies to de-escalate conflict and rebuild trust. Highly recommended if you’re seeking help with relationship conflict or emotional regulation.

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Still stuck?

If these books hit a little too close to home and don’t quite move the needle, it may be time for the next step. Reading is a great start, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone who isn’t your friend, your mom, or a bestselling author.

We can connect you with a couples therapist in NYC who gets it. Whether you’re navigating communication issues, intimacy concerns, or just want to feel close again, we’ll help you find the right fit.

Looking for couples therapy in NYC?
Therapists of New York offers in-person and remote couples therapy for people who want more than surface-level advice. We’ll help you feel seen, supported, and maybe even heard by each other.