How to Know When It’s Time for Couples Therapy

You don’t need to be on the verge of breaking up to go to couples therapy. In fact, the earlier you go, the easier it is to get back on track.

But how do you know when it’s time?

Let’s be honest—most of us don’t wake up one day and say, “You know what would really help us right now? A stranger with a doctoral degree listening to our fights.” We usually wait. We tell ourselves it’s just a rough patch. We hang out with Google at 1am, asking things like "how to stop arguing about mental load” or “why doesn’t my partner initiate sex anymore?” 

So if you’re asking the question, you probably already have your answer. But here are a few signs it might be time to talk to someone together:

1. Your arguments feel like déjà vu.

You’re having the same fight over and over. Whether it’s about money, intimacy, or how your partner chews gum—it’s not really about that. Couples therapy can help you figure out what it is about, and how to actually resolve it.

2. You’re not fighting at all... and that’s the problem.

Some couples assume “no fighting = healthy,” but if you’re avoiding hard conversations or living like polite roommates, that’s also a sign something’s stuck.

3. You’re stuck in a pattern—and you both know it.

Maybe one person always pursues and the other always pulls away. Maybe you both shut down. You’ve named it, you hate it, and yet... you keep doing it. This is exactly where therapy can help built new patterns around connecting.  

4. Something big just happened (or is about to).

A move. A baby. A job change. A loss. Big life events shake things up—and couples therapy can help you navigate them as a team.

5. The relationship is okay—but you want it to be great.

Yes, therapy is for “fine” couples too. Some people come in not to fix something broken, but to deepen communication, reconnect emotionally, or future-proof their bond.

So… Is It Time?

Couples therapy isn’t about “fixing” your partner or proving who’s right. It’s about having a space that’s just for the relationship—where both of you can speak, listen, and actually hear each other.

How to Find a Couples Therapist in NYC Who Gets It
Because the only thing harder than agreeing to couples therapy is figuring out where to start.

NYC is full of talented couples therapists. With so many options, how do you find the right therapist for your relationship?

At Therapists of New York, we have clinicians who specialize in the messy, beautiful, and often confusing work of couples therapy. Whether you’re arguing about big stuff, small stuff, or just feeling a little disconnected, we can help match you with someone who fits your relationship’s unique needs.  Reach out here to get started.